


Sometimes the living personification of a country just wants to meme

by Raven6229



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Britain is an old man, Chatting & Messaging, Comedy, Gen, Group chat, Make Sure Creator Style is enabled, Memes, Nationverse, canonverse, shitposting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-08 14:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15932246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven6229/pseuds/Raven6229
Summary: In which America makes a group chat, and it's all downhill from there. Canada is the passive-aggression god, France just likes seeing Britain get pissy, England is an old man, China has no clue what a meme is, Germany wonders where he went wrong in life (other than WW2), Prussia is a professional memelord, Italy is clueless, Romano hates everyone and the kitchen sink, Japan is a fanboy, Sealand is precious, and Russia will just sit back and watch the world burn.





	1. canada likes anime and britain tells dad jokes

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thanks for clicking. Please make sure Creator Style is enabled! Thanks!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you came here for shitposting with a side of more shitposting. Maybe the occasional sweet moment, but I don't know yet. I'll add more character tags as I add them/plan to add them

 

****[United States of America]** : created chat server “server”**

 

****[Japan]** : joined “server” **

 

 **[United States of America]** : alright! looks like the server works! i knew we could get this app going!

 

 **[Japan]** : Yes. Although, it probably would have been better to test this before we distributed the program to the rest of the G8.

 

 **[United States of America]** : eh dw about it so much

 **[United States of America]** : worst case we could have rolled out a day one update

 

 **[Japan]** : I… suppose we could have.

 **[Japan]** : Well, I guess we can add everyone to the channel now.

 

 **[United States of America]** : kay! you mind getting italy and the germanies? i got the rest

 

 **[Japan]** : Would you like both Italies or just North?

 

 **[United States of America]** : ehhhh Romano is kinda a dick. we'll add him if someone actually asks

 

 **[Japan]** : ...Very well.

 

****[Japan]** : added **[Germany]** to "server"**

 

****[Japan]** : added **[Italy Veneziano]** to "server"**

 

****[Japan]** : added **[Prussia]** to "server"**

 

 **[Prussia]** : What the hell is this server name?

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : ooh is this a group chat?? :D :D

 

 **[Germany]** : What in the world? How did this app get on my phone? And since when can Italy type in German?

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : ??? this is italian though???

 

 **[United States of America]** : i know i know i'll fix the name l8r

 **[United States of America]** : also i think the translators are on by default, dw. you can turn em off in the settings

 **[United States of America]** : anyway gimme a sec. gotta add the rest of the gang!

 

 **[Germany]** : That does not explain how you got this app on my phone.

 

 **[Japan]** : It's also on any personal computers.

 

 **[Prussia]** : Ooh! Awesome!

 

 **[Germany]** : ...I don't ever recall agreeing to this. Are you sure having our conversations over text is okay?

 

 **[Japan]** : My apologies. America was the one to install it on all your devices. Do not worry, though. The server is secure.

 

 **[United States of America]** : dude! way to throw me under the bus!

 

 **[Japan]** : ...Pardon me? A bus?

 

 **[Prussia]** : Hah. What are you even worried about us leaking? I don't think we've talked about actually important shit since like… ever at actual meetings.

 

 **[Germany]** : And how many meetings have you attended in the past twenty years?

 

 **[Prussia]** : …

 **[Prussia]** : Touche'.

 

 **[United States of America]** : he's still right though. last world meeting we just argued about what the best thing to do if it started raining coca cola would be

 

****[United States of America]** :added **[Canada]** to "server"**

 

****[United States of America]** : added **[China]** to "server"**

 

 **[China]** : if it rained coca cola then wed need an inverted umbrella hat

 

 **[United States of America]** : yes. one with a straw in it of course

 

 **[China]** : and a spillover drain that flooded all excess coke into a storage tank.

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : oooh that sounds cool!!

  
  
**[Germany]** : Oh for the love of god. Not this again.

 

 **[Japan]** : America, I'm going to have to stop you there before this gets out of hand again. Can you please add everyone else?

 

 **[United States of America]** : fiiiiiiine. also it would need to come in different colors.

 

****[United States of America]** : added **[Great Britain]** to "server"**

 

****[United States of America]** : added **[France]** to "server"**

 

 **[Great Britain]** : Why are you guys discussing that bloody pop rain again?

 

 **[France]** : Oh Angleterre~ You say that like you didn't spend at least two of those hours arguing with America. <3

 

 **[Great Britain]** : SHUT IT FROGFACE! IT'S POP AND HE CAN'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.

 

 **[United States of America]** : wtf no it's not??? It's Coca Cola, dude. Coke. Soda. Fizzy sweet drink of happiness. Anything except pop. Pop rain sounds like something China would name a bootlegged K-pop band.

 

 **[Canada]** : Don't your people call it pop in a couple of your states, though?

 

 **[France]** : I'm going to side with America on this one~

 

 **[Great Britain]** : Traitor! you're only agreeing with him to piss me off!

 

 **[Prussia]** : To be fair seeing you mad is pretty damn funny.

 

 **[United States of America]** : Ooh **@[France]** does this mean you'll agree with me that Imperial > Metric?

 

 **[France]** : Non.

 

 **[Great Britain]** : No.

 

 **[Prussia]** : Nein.

 

 **[Germany]** : Nein.

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : nooo...

 

 **[Japan]** : いいえ

 

 **[United States of America]** : :(

 **[United States of America]** : wait wtf I thought the translators were on

 

 **[Great Britain]** : I don't think someone who decided to measure by a man's oversized foot is qualified to-

 **[Great Britain]** : Wait a tick what is this app, anyway?

 

 **[Germany]** : You're just now asking about how a suspicious app was installed on all your devices without your permission? You're too lax.

 

 **[United States of America]** : I think my charming personality is what put him at ease

 

 **[Canada]** : I'm not sure "charming" is the word I'd use…

 

 **[Prussia]** : I'll tell you what it isn't charming. This fucking server name. Gimme the ability to change that shit.

 

 **[United States of America]** : a deity cannot so easily spread his powers to others

 

 **[Japan]** : There you go. Everyone has the ability to change the server name, now.

 

 **[United States of America]** : god dammit Japan. -_-

 

 **[Japan]** : I am a generous god. We're still the only two with Admin, though.

 

 **[Germany]** : You know, Japan usually seems so serious.

 **[Germany]** : Then he says stuff like that and I can't tell how much of it is a joke.

 

 **[Prussia]** : Oh, thank god I'm not the only one.

 

 **[Japan]** : Er… thanks, I think?

 

 **[France]** : Are you sure it's wise to have Amérique as an admin?

 

 **[United States of America]** : wise? hell no. does he have a choice? also hell no.

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : oooh so does this mean we can change the server name now??

 

 **[Germany]** : I'd say to keep it PG, but we all know that wouldn't stop anyone.

 

 **[Canada]** : Especially France.

 

 **[United States of America]** : especially France

 

 **[Great Britain]** : Least of all the frog. Anyway, I have a good name. Just wait a tick.

 

 **[France]** : oh hon hon~ you three know me too well~

 

 **[United States of America]** : Ooh like Voltron ticks?

 

 **[United States of America]** : Also **@[France]** never type that again ever please like i know i joke about your laugh sounding like that but just

 

 **[France]** : aw, and here I thought you'd appreciate a little joke. Alas, I see I was wrong

 

 **[United States of America]** : I mean jokes are great but good GOD it looks so dumb seeing you type that

 

 **[France]** : Fine, fine. But at least I know what I can do to get on your nerves ;)

 

 **[Prussia]** : Oh! Voltron! I remember that show! One of America's better cartoons. Once it got rebooted, that is.

 

 **[United States of America]** : aww thanks!

 

 **[Prussia]** : anime is better though.

 

 **[Japan]** : I want no part in this argument…

 

 **[United States of America]** : who said we were arguing? I ain't fightin a losing battle

 

 **[Japan]** : Eh?

 

 **[United States of America]** : yeah dude anime rocks

 **[United States of America]** : but you know who's even more of a closet anime fan than me?

 

 **[Canada]** : America…

 

 **[United States of America]** : LOOK YOU WERE DOING THE NARUTO RUN DOWN THE HALL WHEN I TOLD YOU THE PANCAKES WERE DONE

 **[United States of America]** : DO YOU NOT EXPECT ME TO TELL???

 

 **[France]** : Canada? An anime fan? Color me surprised.

 

 **[Germany]** : Japan does make interesting fiction.

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : oohhh yeaaaah! i love getting to see japans movies! ^_^ i didnt know americas brother liked it too

 

 **[United States of America]** : Totally, dude! yo, **@[Canada]** do you wanna join me prussia and japan for our super ultimate crazy mega trials of the gods next time?

 

 **[Canada]** : Your… what?

 

 **[Germany]** : Mein Gott… you guys still do that?

 

 **[Prussia]** : Hell yeah we do! And this one will be the longest one yet!

 

 **[Japan]** : It is a legendary challenge, not made for the mortal man. Only the dedicated can make it past the first trial. By the third trial, any human would perish.

 **[Japan]** : Reaching the end… it takes the fortitude of a god. Truly, it is not for the faint of heart.

 

 **[China]** : what in the world are you talking about is there a prize

 

 **[United States of America]** : The pride that comes with making it through the challenge. this year's will be the hardest yet

 

 **[China]** : oh so no money

 **[China]** : boring

 

 **[Canada]** : But what IS it?

 

 **[United States of America]** : Anime.

 

 **[Prussia]** : The ultimate anime experience.

 

 **[Japan]** : In which we gather together and complete as many anime series as possible.

 

 **[Prussia]** : No breaks, of course.

 

 **[United States of America]** : except for bathroom

 **[United States of America]** : but we're breaking our record this time for sure

 

 **[France]** : this sounds hazardous to one's health.

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : ohhh i remember those… i got bored and fell asleep when i tried to join prussia once

 

 **[United States of America]** : look if we gotta be immortal personification of landmasses, then imma abuse the perks that come with it

 **[United States of America]** : aka the ability to survive off of coffee and red bull for weeks straight with no long lasting consequences. you don't wanna see the giant stacks of coffee beans and energy drinks i've been stockpiling for months

 **[United States of America]** : ive sold out Costco seven times already. had to rent a uhaul to carry the stuff home

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : i bet seeing you at the checkout line was funny!!!

 

 **[Germany]** : … I hate myself for being amused at the mental image. The poor cashier.

 

 **[Canada]** : Oh! That's what all that stuff was for… Being completely honest, I thought you were gathering provisions for a homemade fallout shelter.

 

 **[United States of America]** : !!!

 

 **[Canada]** : ...I feel like I just made a huge mistake.

 

 **[United States of America]** : **@[Prussia]** WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T WE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!!!

 

 **[Prussia]** : I DON'T KNOW BUT WE NEED TO DO THAT!

 

 **[Japan]** : But not until after the trial.

 

 **[United States of America]** : well duh. so you in or naw, bro?

 

 **[Canada]** : I'm scared to ask… but what exactly will you be watching, and how long will it take?

 

 **[United States of America]** : Oh one sec lemme find the doc

 

 **[Prussia]** : It's still a couple months away but you might wanna start clearing your schedule because the hour count is scary long. We've been working our asses off to make sure we have enough vacation time.

 

 **[Japan]** : Clear plenty from that schedule. We can only do this every few years since it takes so long.

 

 **[United States of America]** : Found it!

[ ](https://imgur.com/dI349bA)

**[United States of America]** : >:D

 **[Germany]** : What the actual hell am I looking at? Have you lost your minds?! Twenty-two days!

 

 **[China]** : pssh thats nothing compared to the amount of time ive been around how long do you think it took to make the great wall because i had to help with that

 

 **[Prussia]** : Oh, for the love of God. We get it, you're old! Don't be such an old geezer!

 

 **[France]** : After all, that's Angleterre's job. I'm fairly certain he's still trying to figure out how to change the server name.

 

 **[Prussia]** : West, can you guess mine?

 

 **[Germany]** : Kill la Kill was from you. As well as Ghost in the Shell. I still remember when you made me watch them. I still can't tell if you liked the action or fanservice more in the former.

 

 **[Prussia]** : Don't forget Princess Tutu!

 

 **[Germany]** : What the hell is that show?

 

 **[Prussia]** : You… haven't seen it? I feel like I failed as your big brother.

 

 **[United States of America]** : It's a badass show.

 

 **[Japan]** : It is as surprisingly complex deconstruction of the fairy tale genre.

 

 **[Germany]** : … I'll just take your word on it.

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : Oooh! I like Spirited Away!!! :D

 

 **[Germany]** : To be fair, everybody likes Spirited Away. Although… One-Piece? Have you gone mad?

 

 **[United States of America]** : honestly it's not as bad as the time we binged pokemon anime. and sure it wasn't as long then as it is now, but pairing that WITH Naruto… it was awesome!!!

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : japan's stuff is super cool but i'd rather sleep…

 

 **[Japan]** : Completely understandable. I'm just glad we added Made in Abyss to the list this year.

 

 **[United States of America]** : Digimon Tamers, FMA, and Hellsing Ultimate were some of my additions. Jeri gives me life

 

 **[Japan]** : Jeri gives everyone life.

 **[Japan]** : Including the D-Reaper

 

 **[United States of America]** : …

 **[United States of America]** : I've said it once I'll say it again. god dammit Japan

 

 **[Prussia]** : D-Reaper? Ooh! That sounds kinky! What is it? I haven't seen Tamers yet!

 

 **[United States of America]** : NO TAMERS IS A KIDS SHOW IT IS NOT THAT

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : ???

 

 **[Germany]** : I'm surrounded by idiots.

 

 **[Canada]** : But how are you going to keep this from hurting your countries? If it were just a few days, I'd understand… but three weeks of no sleep?

 

 **[United States of America]** : c'mon bro chill out.

 **[United States of America]** : we're not THAT dumb

 

 **[Prussia]** : If a human went twenty-two days without sleeping, they would kick the bucket for sure. But the secret to success? We're not human, so exploit the hell out of it WITHOUT killing off your own people in the process! It works surprisingly well!

 

 **[United States of America]** : ^^^^ yeah our Nation energy thingamawhatsit power needs energy and stuff, but it doesnt need to come in the same way as a human!

 **[United States of America]** : so instead of sleeping

 **[United States of America]** : foooooooood

 **[United States of America]** : and caffeine

 **[United States of America]** : that way we get all the energy we need to be semi-functioning people without needing to take a break OR cause our countries to die of a mass outbreak of insomnia.

 

 **[China]** : how the hell does that work

 

 **[Japan]** : In simplest terms, the… for lack of a better word, magic… that makes up our bodies can function as long as they receive enough energy. As long as we're okay, we don't start sharing our energy depletion with our people.

 

 **[United States of America]** : time-tested! we've been testing this for yeeeeaaaarrrss of anime and video game trials!

 

 **[Canada]** : America… you've figured all that out, and yet, you still can't name all my provinces?

 

 **[United States of America]** : yes i can!

 

 **[Canada]** : without googling it?

 

 **[United States of America]** : …

 **[United States of America]** : So are you gonna join us or not???

 

 **[Canada]** : …

 

 **[United States of America]** : c'mooonnn bro itll be fun!

 

 **[Canada]** : Add Cowboy Bebop to the list, and I'll be there.

 

 **[Prussia]** : Holy shit, he actually said yes!

 

 **[France]** : Wow. Not going to lie, I was really expecting a no.

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : germanyyyy can i go too pleeeasseee??? I promise I'll do the rest of my work later

 

 **[Germany]** : Nein. You know there are several meetings coming up. You can barely show up less than fifteen minutes late, much less finish your work three weeks early.

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : aww… ;-;

 

 **[Canada]** : America? Are you okay?

 

 **[United States of America]** : I… I don't…

 

 **[Canada]** : Are you okay??

 

 **[United States of America]** : is this what pure joy feels like??? Holy shit i can't believe i didn't think of Bebop before I'll add it right away brb I'm so proud of you bro!

 

 **[Canada]** : Thanks, I think?

 

 **[France]** : I'm starting to worry about Angleterre. No human or Country should ever take this long to change a server name…

 

****[Great Britain]** : changed server name "server" to "G(r)8"**

 

 **[Great Britain]** : Thank God. I finally found the bloody button. What did I miss?

 

 **[Germany]** : Just scroll up…

 

 **[Great Britain]** : Fine. Give me a second.

 

 **[Prussia]** : …

 **[Prussia]** : Nobody?

 **[Prussia]** : Nobody is going to comment on this shitty title?

 

 **[France]** : I'm more disappointed than anything else, if I'm being honest. I don't know how I lost the French and Indian War to him…

 

 **[United States of America]** : okey dokey here's the new list! day count is up to 23.25!

[ ](https://imgur.com/jyMNlRJ)

**[United States of America]** : ...England… how are you such an old man? That's like… awkward great uncle humor.

 

 **[Canada]** : I thought they were called dad jokes.

 

 **[United States of America]** : I'm not calling them that in the context of england and you can't make me. England's just an out of touch old man. So much so it's actually hilarious

 

 **[China]** : i thought it was funny

 

 **[United States of America]** : which only proves my point further! You're like a bajillion years old

 

 **[Japan]** : I think I need to repair my earlier statement.

 **[Japan]** : Everyone EXCEPT England and China has permission to change the server name.

 

 **[Prussia]** : Thank fuck for that.

 

****[United States of America]** : changed server name "G(r)8" to "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"**

 

 **[Prussia]** : …

 **[Prussia]** : I'll admit it. I laughed.

 

 **[Canada]** : One of the largest Superpowers in history.

 **[Canada]** : Mature as a toddler.

 

 **[Prussia]** : …

 **[Prussia]** : And that made me laugh harder. For such a cold country, Canada sure knows how to deliver a burn oh my GOD. I am losing my shit right now.

 

 **[Germany]** : As someone in the same house as him, I can confirm that this is, in fact, true. He's very loud.

 

 **[Great Britain]** : BLOODY HELL TWENTY-THREE DAYS??? ARE YOU CRA

 **[Great Britain]** : MY NAME WAS GOOD YOU WANKER! AND THE ONLY REASON THE TEA WAS GROSS WAS BECAUSE YOU THREW IT INTO THE FUCKING OCEAN

 

 **[Prussia]** : Nice caps lock.

 

 **[United States of America]** : Someone's just salty. Just like that tea was ^_^

 

 **[Great Britain]** : YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BRAT

 

 **[France]** : I could watch this back and forth all day.

 

 **[Prussia]** : Ikr? It's weirdly mesmerizing. Is this what it's like watching West and me fight?

 

 **[United States of America]** : 100% yes

 

 **[China]** : Speaking of Superpowers, aren't we forgetting someone?

 

 **[Japan]** : Oh… right…

 

****[Japan]** : added **[Russia]** to "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"**

 

 **[United States of America]** : …

 **[United States of America]** : Dammit. Was kinda hoping you'd forget him when i added china instead

 **[United States of America]** : I mean hi Russia

 

 **[Germany]** : Why is it I can perfectly imagine the tone in which you said that last line?

 

 **[Russia]** : Interesting title for a group chat. Seems like I have a lot to catch up on! ^J^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! Hope you liked my shitposting. I've never written comedy before, let's hope it was funny. Let me know what you think!  
> No clue when the next chapter will be since I write this when the mood strikes, but y'know. Meh.  
> Also please I beg you to take a moment to appreciate the minor acts of witchcraft needed to color the text like that. Haha. It took. Several hours. It's almost eleven PM and I haven't eaten dinner because I've been working on this.


	2. why did japan think including a nickname feature was a good idea?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: Please make sure you have AO3 set so it'll show the Creator Style. There should be a button at the top. I spent so long formatting this and would like you guys to be able to appreciate it, hahah.
> 
> It's 4:15 in the morning as I finish editing this so please make this worth it and enjoy. I beg.

 

****[United States of America]** : joined "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"**

 

 **[United States of America]** : hmm yeah no.

 

****[Germany]** : joined "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"**

 

 **[Germany]** : What's wrong?

 

 **[United States of America]** : this name. it won't do. i feel like i'm about to get in trouble when i see my full name.

 

 **[Germany]** : ...Pardon me?

 

 **[United States of America]** : you know how when your mom calls your full name and you know you screwed up?

 

 **[Germany]** : But you don't have a mother.

 

 **[United States of America]** : Okay asshat you know what I mean. My children CITIZENS hate it when their full names are called because it means they're in trouble

 **[United States of America]** : why am I even trying. You really don't know what I'm talking about?

 

 ** **[Prussia]** :  joined** " **Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"**

 

 **[Prussia]** : Hey, Federal Republic of Germany! I need you to come over here right now!

 **[Prussia]** : That doing it for you, West?

 

 **[Germany]** : I see. That does feel odd. But why do only a few of us on here have our full names being used here?

 

 **[United States of America]** : Well you see. i had to make all your profiles before installing the apps on your stuff. and I used my full name when making mine. but as i made england's profile i realized i couldn't be bothered to google his full name with all the extra words.

 

 **[Germany]** : United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

 

 **[United States of America]** : Yeah see that's way too long so I called it a day at Great Britain

 **[United States of America]** : and i got lazy after that

 **[United States of America]** : and then i realized a lot of your full names involve a bunch of the same words like "state" and "republic" so i said screw it and just went w/ your normal names

 

****[Italy Veneziano]** : joined "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross" **

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : but what about me?? you put in my full name!

 

 **[United States of America]** : ok look you have a brother too and i didn't want to cause confusion

 

 **[Prussia]** : But Feliciano goes by Italy and South is Romano, right? And he's not even on the server yet.

 

 **[United States of America]** : ok look I didn't come here to be interrogated on my naming choices i came here to fix my name

 

****[United States of America]** : changed their nickname to **['MURICA]****

 

 **['MURICA]** : there we go that's better!

 

 **[Germany]** : … I don't see why you couldn't just go with "America"

 

 **['MURICA]** : there's a very simple reason why

 

 **[Prussia]** : You had to ask, West.

 

 **['MURICA]** : <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfK9UPEQavo>

**['MURICA]** : BECAUSE 'MURICA BITCHES

 

 **[Prussia]** : Also, holy shit we can change our nicknames?

 

 **['MURICA]** : hell yes we can in fact **@[everyone]** get in here

 

****[Russia]** : joined "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"**

 

****[Japan]** : joined "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"**

 

****[Great Britain]** : joined "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"**

 

****[Canada]** : joined "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"**

 

****[France]** : joined "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"**

 

 **[Japan]** : I have been summoned. What is it?

 

 **['MURICA]** : nicknames my dude!

 

 **[Great Britain]** : Oh, for the love of God. You still haven't changed the chatroom name?

 

 **['MURICA]** : nope! and don't plan to either!

  


**[Japan]** : **@['MURICA]** , you should change your username to "Eagleland."

 

 **['MURICA]** : Ooooooh yeah I like that!! BTW when're we gonna get the third one in the series??? seriously do you WANT us to keep pirating that game?

 

 **[Japan]** : ...uhhh.

 

****[Japan]** : changed the nickname of **['MURICA]**  to **[Eagleland]****

 

 **[Japan]** : So, anyway, what do you suggest I change mine too?

 

 **[Great Britain]** : Not to break up this party, but why did you message us again? This hardly seems relevant to me.

 

 **[France]** : by the looks of it, so we could change our usernames~

 

 **[Great Britain]** : Oh, seems somewhat pointless, but fine. I guess I'll change mine.

 

 **[Prussia]** : After what happened with the server name, I'm not so sure he should be allowed to pick a name…

 

 **[Great Britain]** : Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist, I'm not doing anything ridiculous.

 

 **[France]** : Once he finds the buttons to change it, that is~

 

 **[Prussia]** : "Knickers in a Twist?" There is no way that's a real saying.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Right?? it really doesn't sound like it is, but it is. Like "pip pip cheerio, come on gov'nah, don't get your knickers in a twist and we'll settle this over tea and biscuits, blimey mate!"

 

 **[Germany]** : For a moment, I thought "Eagleland" said "England."

 **[Germany]** : I was slightly concerned.

 

 **[Great Britain]** : You bloody wanker! I don't sound like that, you twit!

 

 **[France]** : …

 

 **[Prussia]** : …

 

 **[Great Britain]** : What?

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : america's england impression is pretty good!!! ^_^

 

 **[Great Britain]** : Oi, no it isn't! Wait a tick, we'll argue more about this after I change my username.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : gl with that. hope you can find your way through the maze that is a smart phone interface. Everybody else, pick a nickname! Or else I'll pick one for you.

 

 **[Japan]** : **@[China]** , I'd suggest you change your username before America makes it himself.

 **[Japan]** : …

 **[Japan]** : By the way, America, you are aware that it's well past midnight in China, right?

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Really? huh. my b. you were up so i figured he was too idk

 

 **[Prussia]** : Honestly, out of everybody here, I think China has the most normal sleep schedule. Like, Japan is nocturnal, West and I get up at ungodly o'clock, I'm half certain Russia's just a freak that doesn't sleep, Italy sleeps whenever and wherever, America… I don't know what his is, but it's definitely not normal… What are France, UK's, and Canada's, though?

 

 **[France]** : Night time in Paris is the most dazzling time of all! And Angleterre is far too much of an early bird~

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Canadia's is pretty normal.

 **[Eagleland]** : you know

 **[Eagleland]** : except when he forgets to sleep.

 

 **[Canada]** : I don't forget…

 

 **[Eagleland]** : riiiight. because spending, like, forty-eight hours straight staring at that polar bear isn't forgetting.

 

 **[Germany]** : ...How? I can understand losing track of time, but that's somewhat extreme.

 

 **[Canada]** : Sorry… Kuma was just so cute...

 

 **[Prussia]** : Wait, why is Canada apologizing now? I tuned out for like eight seconds.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : because it's Canadia and he apologizes even when he's not done anything wrong

 **[Eagleland]** : but in that case imma go ahead and change China's username and they'll see it when they wake up

 **[Eagleland]** : time zones suck

 

 **[Japan]** : China only uses one time zone.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : wait seriously?? that's even weirder!!

 

 **[Germany]** : I believe that came to pass because of Mao Zedong.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : but China is… like… huge. that'd be like California and New York having the same time! it makes even less sense than time zones are inconvenient!

 **[Eagleland]** : you know what I don't care imma just…

 

****[Eagleland]** : changed the nickname of **[China]** to **[Time zones be damned]****

 

 **[Eagleland]** : there we go :D

 

 **[Germany]** : You get worked up over the strangest things.

 

****[Japan]** : changed their nickname to **[SunriseLand]****

 

 **[Eagleland]** : FAJSEHrfetgjhKLFA

 

 **[Prussia]** : Pfffffft!

 

 **[Germany]** : Case in point. Why is that so funny?

 

 **[Canada]** : Don't ask.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Oh my GOD that is so perfect holy shit.

 **[Eagleland]** : hey **@[France]** can I make yours too?? I've got a fun one!

 

 **[France]** : ...hmm as long as its to my liking~

 

 **[Eagleland]** : I think you'll like it.

 

****[Eagleland]** : changed the nickname of **[France]** to **[Bigger than that baguette]****

 

 **[Prussia]** : … Taking a drink of water was a mistake holy shit I think I'm dying.  


 

 **[Germany]** : Focus on breathing! Not typing!

 

 **[Italy Veneziano]** : heeheehee i think its a funny a name

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : my my, _Am_ _é_ _rique_ ~ I didn't know you felt that way.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : hah don't delude yourself half the reason I chose it is because, let's be honest, Britain is gonna have the best reaction.

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : when he eventually figures out how to change his username.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : We both know his is just gonna be dumb but dw I got a few good ones that he'll hate too

 

 **[Canada]** : Why does it seem like this server exists just so you guys have a new way to make fun of England…

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Don't pretend like you don't think it's at least a little funny

 **[Eagleland]** : anyway Canadia pick a username before I change it to Canadia. preferably something funny

 

 **[Canada]** : Fine. I'll change it. Give me a moment to think of something.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : That goes for everyone! Nicknames! Anyone who resists gets it changed anyway!

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : So much for a country of freedom and democracy…

 

****[Italy Veneziano]** : changed their nickname to **[easycheesy]****

 

 **[easycheesy]** : hows that name???

 

 **[Germany]** : At the very least, capitalize the E and C.

 

 **[easycheesy]** : huh why

 

 **[Germany]** : Because you should at least pretend to care about punctuation.

 

 **[easycheesy]** : ??? ok then

 

****[easycheesy]** : changed their nickname to **[EasyCheesy]****

 

 **[EasyCheesy]** : there you go, commander!!!

 

 **[Germany]** : That's a bit better. If only you could punctuate your actual sentences, now…

 

 **[EasyCheesy]** : ^_^

 

 **[Prussia]** : Hey, West! You know what name you should pick!

 

 **[Germany]** : … No.

 

 **[Prussia]** : C'mooonnn it's funny!!

 

 **[Eagleland]** : ??

 

 **[Prussia]** : It was a happy accident at the dinner table. Yo, **@[Eagleland]** , can I have the ability to change others' nicknames?

 

 **[Eagleland]** : hmmm… do I share my power… you know what I wanna see the name screw it yeah sure

 **[Eagleland]** : so what's the nickname?

 

****[Prussia]** : changed the nickname of **[Germany]** to **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : **

 

 **[Eagleland]** : hahahah

 

 **[EasyCheesy]** : ohh i remember when he said that yeah he dropped his snacks when prussia ran into him!!

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : It was a fairly traumatic experience for Prussia, I believe.

 

 **[Prussia]** : At the time... yeah, I thought I was about to meet Old Fritz. West has never been so scary.

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : Stop exaggerating.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : alright! Italy, Germany, Japan, France, and I all have nicknames!! That leaves Prussia, England, and Canada!

 

 **[Russia]** : and Russia~

 

 **[Eagleland]** : damn i forgot about Russia yeah you too

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : I'd advise you, **@[Russia]** , to pick a name before America picks something distasteful for you.

 

 **[Russia]** : I think I have a funny one!

 

****[Russia]** : changed their nickname to **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]****

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : How's this name? ^J^

 

 **[Eagleland]** : ...that is… actually kinda funny. I'm mad I had to admit that

 

 **[Prussia]** : ^^^

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : It is clever. I like the alliteration.

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : Oui~ It suits you, _Russie_ ~  
  


**[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : Yay~ I'm glad you all like it!

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Alright moving on then **@[Prussia]** pick something

 

 **[Prussia]** : I think I got something for now.

 

****[Prussia]** : changed their nickname to **[The Furchtlos Flute]****

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : Not bad, either. Certainly more graceful than the nickname you stuck me with.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Mm yeah it'll do for now. **@[Canada]** how ya doing bro?

 

 **[Canada]** : I was stuck deciding between a name about maple syrup or healthcare… but I have one.

 

****[Canada]** : changed their nickname to **[Free Maple-Cough-Syrup]****

 

 **[Eagleland]** : …

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : ...I honestly have no words… seeing canada being the one doing the teasing for a change is unusual, to say the least~

 

 **[The Furchtlos Flute]** : Hehehe! That's genius, if you ask me.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : I am feeling several emotions.

 **[Eagleland]** : some anger. but also some pride. minor shock…cannot compute

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : ^_-

 

 **[Free Maple-Cough-Syrup]** : Well, it seemed funnier than anything else I could think of.

 

****[Great Britain]** : changed their nickname to "England"**

 

 **[England]** : Finally found the bloody button to change my name. Now, about your horrendous accent-

 **[England]** : ...Sunflowers and Slav Squats?

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : It's me! Russia! I think my name is pretty clever, da? ^J^

 

 **[England]** : ...I'm not even going to ask about the frog's name.

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : aww~ why not my dear Angleterre? is it because you think it's fitting?~

 

 **[England]** : In your dreams, Frogface.

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : it took you an awfully long time to type that sentence~ im sure it was because you had some emotions to work through

 

 **[England]** : Shut it.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : ok not to interrupt France making England uncomfortable because I honest to God could watch that all day but

 **[Eagleland]** : Seriously? you can change your name to anything and you pick your normal name

 

 **[England]** : This is my name! I don't see the purpose in some silly pseudonym. Isn't that what our Civilian names are for?

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : Well, our Civilian names are for social purposes in which our actual names would cause confusion. These are for the sake of our own amusement.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Yeah you can't really compare "Arthur Kirkland" to… ah shit i think i left the binder at the WH…

 

 **[England]** : ...Binder?

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : oh, you still have those files? i hope you didnt remove any of my entries~

 

 **[Free Maple-Cough-Syrup]** : Why did you bring it to the White House?

 

 **[Eagleland]** : because otherwise i might get redundant and reuse the names too often! and of course i havent **@[Bigger than that baguette]**! although i kinda just have to hope nobody leafs through your page or i might be the first Country kicked out of his country.

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : What in _Gott's_ name are you talking about?

 

 **[The Furchtlos Flute]** : I have a guess as to what that is, and I hope it's right.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : if your guess was "binder which i keep a bunch of alternate names for england in" then you are absolutely correct!! come down and get your prize that is a photocopied version of the literary masterpiece!

 

 **[England]** : A book of rude names for me? Are you sure you aged past seven? And you bring that to the same building in which you hold meetings with your boss? The title isn't even grammatically correct! You don't end sentences with prepositions!

 

 **[Eagleland]** : and this is why it's 200 single-spaced pages long. your reactions make it so easy! sad I don't have the book w/ me rn. oh well i do remember a few…

 

 **[The Furchtlos Flute]** : Hah! I love that! I think my old journals have stuff like that in them, but that's so much more organized! I'm sure I could make a few binders with names for everyone…

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : So what kind of names did you make for England?

 

 **[Eagleland]** : see as much as I would love to share all my awesome names, I can't give up my best material right at the start! Hmm… but which name would Britain hate the most right now… ahh so many choices…

 

 **[England]** : Why do you get to choose my name?! My name is perfectly acceptable!

 

 **[Eagleland]** : A sentiment held by you and nobody else here~

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : Don't speak for all of us. I'm only putting up with this nonsense because it's important to keep in touch with each other to avoid large-scale conflict.

 

 **[The Furchtlos Flute]** : And because I bribed him with some of my old magazines~

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : oh? what kind of magazines are you talking about~?

 

 **[The Furchtlos Flute]** : The exact kind you're thinking of, Herr Francy Pants~ I can send you some, if you like. Or, if it's to your taste, it can be more personal pictures~

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : Ah! Please! Keep keep this group chat free of explicit images!

 

 **[England]** : You two have no sense of shame.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Yeah imma have to ask you two to bippity boppity back the fuck up and take that to the DMs, faaaaaarrrr away from where I have to read it.

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : aw, you seek to spoil our fun, do you?

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Imma make some new fun that doesn't scar my innocent eyes for all eternity, thank youuu!

 

 **[Free Maple-Cough-Syrup]** : I'm not sure "innocent" is the word I'd use…

 

****[Eagleland]** : changed the nickname of **[England]** to **[Tee Time]****

 

 **[Tee Time]** : You misspelt tea!

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Hah you wish I did naw that was on purpose

 

 **[Tee Time]** : I'm not a bloody golfer! It's tea! Not tee!

 

 **[EasyCheesy]** : huh??? tee and tea… tee means golf???

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : No, a tee is a small piece of wood on which you perch your golf ball when you go to hit it.

 

 **[The Furchtlos Flute]** : That's what she said.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : pfffft

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : Grow up, you two. Anyway, "tee time" is sometimes used as an expression for golfing, but a tee itself does not mean "golfing."

 

 **[EasyCheesy]** : ohhhh ok that makes some more sense!!! grazie commander!!! ^_^

 

 **[Tee Time]** : Yes, yes, thank you for the lesson. So, would you please change my username already, you twit?!

 

 **[Eagleland]** : and miss out on the mental image of your five-layered eyebrows twitching every time you read the name? naw m8.

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : my my, what a cruel fate you're subjecting poor britain to, Amérique~ I almost feel bad~

 

 **[Eagleland]** : keyword almost?

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : keyword almost indeed~

 

 **[Tee Time]** : Frog, you are an abomination to the culture of Europe. And America is nothing but a blight on the good English language and history!

 

 **[Eagleland]** : ouch, my feelings! I think i have a boo boo on my heart

 

 **[The Furchtlos Flute]** : Talk about palpable sarcasm…

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : funny how you call me a stain on european culture~ last i checked, you tried (and failed) to mimic my style several times. like when you tried to grow your hair out~

 

 **[Tee Time]** : I did not!

 

 **[Eagleland]** : wait wtf he did??? why didn't you tell me this an eternity sooner **@[Bigger than that baguette]**????

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : because moments like this are what get the best reactions out of him~

 

 **[Tee Time]** : Oh hush up! Can we get back onto the topic of fixing my name?!

 

 **[Eagleland]** : i don't see what's wrong with it!! i mean you said it yourself that Northern Ireland is a part of your full name, and isn't that where golfing comes from?

 

 **[Tee Time]** : That doesn't make me Ireland, you uncultured brat! The Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland are two different things!

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : And, as usual, America's geographical obliviousness continues to astound me…

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : **@[Tee Time]** , America didn't remove your ability to change your username to something you prefer, you know…

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Aww did you have to tell him i wanted to see how long it'd take him to try and fix it himself…

 

 **[Tee Time]** : Wait, I can? Hang on, then. I think I remember where the button was...

 

 **[Eagleland]** : See you in three years.

 

****[Tee Time]** : changed their nickname to **[Tea Time]****

 

 **[Tea Time]** : Oh shut it I'm not that daft.

 

 **[Free Maple-Cough-Syrup]** : When you take away America's misspelling, "Tea Time" actually isn't a half-bad username.

 **[Free Maple-Cough-Syrup]** : It is difficult to say five times fast though…

 

 **[The Furchtlos Flute]** : You think so? It's not that difficult for me, at least.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : wait why is it hard for you bro?? english is your first language??

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : Not everybody here is a Country of rap music with fast lyrics. Not to mention, you have always had a tendency to talk rather quickly in meetings.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : hmm fair enough I guess

 

 **[Tea Time]** : I will never understand America's taste in music.

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : for once we agree on something…

 

 **[EasyCheesy]** : i think everyone has really interesting music!!! its always so much fun to hear it when i visit your houses!!! ^_^ itd be no fun if we all liked the same songs!

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : That is true. Seeing everyone's homes truly is a treat. It is incredible how diverse everyone's cultures are.

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : It's just like you to say that, Japan. You are quite the tourist.

 

 **[Tea Time]** : I can second that. It's always a delight to have you over.

 

 **[EasyCheesy]** : i love touring with japan!!! ^_^

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : Er… thank you?

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : its always adorable seeing japan get complimented~ he gets so flustered!!

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : Yeah! He's visited my house even though we don't always get along! It's rather adorable! ^J^

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : Ahh…

 

 **[Free Maple-Cough-Syrup]** : I'm not sure calling him "adorable" is the best choice of words.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : ey back off snow demon give the otaku his space

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : oh? you mean like you did with your black ships~? ^J^

 

 **[Eagleland]** : well japan doesn't mind that i did that he got to learn about the world more and stuff!!

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : Please, do not fight over me…

 

 **[The Furchtlos Flute]** : Just leave them be… trying to break up disputes between them is like trying to break up France and England when they're arguing…

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : and what is a "snow demon" anyway? It sounds cute.

 

 **[Tea Time]** : Oi! Prussia! What do you mean about that?

 

 **[Eagleland]** : snow demon!! Like snow angel but its YOU so demon?! its called wit

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : Wasn't it one of your shows that said "If you have to explain the joke, then there is no joke?" ^J^

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : come now angleterre~ dont give prussia such a hard time

 

 **[Eagleland]** : dont throw that masterpiece back at me!! that is not okay!!

 

 **[Tea Time]** : I'll stop badgering Prussia when you learn how to type with proper punctuation!

 

 **[The Furchtlos Flute]** : Wellllll, I guess I should strap in, since God knows he won't do that any time soon.

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : You have loose ideas of what can be considered a "masterpiece." ^J^

 

 **[EasyCheesy]** : wait whats going on i thought we were talking about touring with japan!!

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause this much chaos…

 

 **[Eagleland]** : YOU DO NOT INSULT THE LEGACY OF MARK HAMILL YOU WASHED OUT COMMIE BASTARD! I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT! HE IS A LEGEND!! YOU, ME! CODE DUELLO! LET'S GO!

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : Oh? One of your founding fathers wouldn't like that much, would he? I believe you even made a musical about him?

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : Please don't start a war over American entertainment...

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : And this is where I suggest anyone who doesn't wish to be dragged into this argument leaves.

 

 **[Eagleland]** : OH YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT NOW TOO?! YOU AND ME! DUEL ON THE MOON! UNLESS YOU THINK I'LL BEAT YOU AGAIN!

 

 **[Tea Time]** : ...Hey France, didn't we have an argument scheduled at some place that wasn't this chat?

 

 **[Bigger than that baguette]** : you know i think you're right ill meet you there

 

****[Tea Time]** : has gone offline**

 

****[Bigger than that baguette]** : has gone offline**

 

 **[The Furchtlos Flute]** : … Yeah, I'm just going to go get a beer and hope they don't nuke each other. Later losers.

 

****[The Furchtlos Flute]** : has gone offline**

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : You think that's how it'd be, do you? I don't see why that "code" is necessary, though~ I'm sure it'd be much more efficient to forgo the formalities. ^J^

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : ohh… oh dear.

 

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : …

 **[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : Japan, would you like to help me with some preparation for the next meeting? It's several months away, but it makes a good distraction from anything… troublesome.

 

 **[SunriseLand]** : Yes, of course! I'd be glad to help!

 

****[Bratwurst Nightmare]** : has gone offline**

 

****[SunriseLand]** : has gone offline**

 

 **[EasyCheesy]** : oooh i can help!!

 

****[EasyCheesy]** : has gone offline**

 

 **[Eagleland]** : I take it you're too scared to fight with the rules then?? afraid you'll lose without some evil tricks??

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : Are you afraid you can't beat me without some handicaps?

 

 **[Free Maple-Cough-Syrup]** : … This group chat was a mistake. Let me know when you're done here, America…

 

 **[Eagleland]** : You wish! Heroes can win in any situation!

 

****[Free Maple-Cough-Syrup]** : has gone offline**

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : As to be expected from a child that only reads picture books for little kids~

 

****[Time zones be damned]** : joined "Britain is an old geezer and tea is gross"**

 

 **[Time zones be damned]** : whatd i miss

 

 **[Eagleland]** : Comics are literature!

 

 **[Sunflowers and Slav Squats]** : Hi China~ ^_^

 

 **[Time zones be damned]** : whats with my username

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya guys if you enjoyed this, it would make my day if you could let me know what you did or didn't like! I plan to shift the focus around depending on my theme for the chapter, and I have a list of concepts, but if there's something you want, such as more interactions between some specific characters, let me know and I will take it into consideration! Comments are my lifeblood and help me know how well I'm doing, hahah. I'm very tired... and need sleep...


End file.
